Running
July 4, 1981. I was running the Freedom Run Race in Bartow, FL. You can tell by the look on my face I was running for joy. I have done a lot of running over the years, for different reasons. But running for joy is by far my favorite.
Running has always kept me going. But there were times that I kept running when I should have stopped to face what I was running from. It's been four years since my world turned upside down. Divorce. Broken family. Cancer. I am still coming out of the pit. I am thankful for the many sweet moments along the way—but if I am being honest, most days I am still trying to accept my new life. Each day brings new challenges that I am learning to face with the help of my friends and family instead of my spouse.
I spent years seeking redemption for the person that I loved the most. I was running from the truth. That truth was that I wanted healing for my ex-husband, he didn't. I was the one making counseling appointments and doing the research to find help. I thought if I could help him find healing, I could save my own happiness too. This was a total lie and kept me in bondage for years. I was more worried about his redemption than my own.
I know now that my hope isn't tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes.
My life has not turned out how I planned...but it is still very good. I have hope.
Running from acceptance and harboring bitterness takes us to a place where we don't notice the gifts along the route...and the medal waiting for us at the finish line.
I have learned that the hard way. When we stop to see the good instead of focusing on what we have lost, we open ourselves up to experience true joy. It might not be exactly what we planned...but the new plan has much more promise.
I am in a season now where I am running toward the future. I am training for another half marathon. I am also running toward radical acceptance of my circumstances. It is so freeing. I have my family and many great friends pouring into my life. They never stop cheering me on. It hasn't been easy—and I am sure there will still be bumps along the way, but I am grateful for their honesty and endless support. For me, the medal waiting at the finish line is redemption. It's not the redemption that I prayed for, for so many years...but it is all MINE!
XO,
C
Hebrews 12:1
“Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
