Ghosted

Ghosting:

When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You'll mostly see them avoiding their date or friend's phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.

Below are some recent tweets about ghosting. Interestingly enough, you can even be ghosted at work!  NOTE! I have copied and pasted, so to those of you that are silently judging my grammar—no need. ;)

@flyaway22_free Remember if they #ghosted you they are probably not worth your time #TEARtalk

@harmoniousann Some people call me picky. It just takes a lot for me to connect with someone. But then...he happened. So loving and patient and then he was gone. Just gone. I was #ghosted. And it took a lot for me to get over it.

@madlaxer12283 That moment when you let someone know you care for them, and want to move forward, just to end up not hearing from them for a week, not even a hello...gee thanks #ghosted

@DROCK9998 I swear most girls should change their profile picture to the Snapchat ghost #Ghosted

@adamsill_86 When a snapchat streak goes from😊💛😊 to nothing is actually a little bit heartbreaking #Ghosted

@B_squared78 You always see people post how they #ghosted, got smart, or got cute, or tricked someone who was interested in them into leaving them alone. You never see a post where they were simply honest and communicated their lack of interest...#tryit #foodforthought

@ndombologique This dude who #ghosted me just called to apologize for ghosting me. The end times are near. (This one is a personal favorite)

@ajilon have you ever been #ghosted by an employee? Now, the shoe is on the other foot: What is Employee Ghosting and How To Recover From Job Abandonment

@Nangel85 Sometimes i think about the man Who Ghosted me, i hope Someone ghosted you or haunts you #ghosted

This recent article in Elle Magazine is about a girl who got hit by a bike on a first date and STILL got ghosted! What? Super interesting read.

Lately, I haven't really been dating...I have just been researching dating. Recently one of my single girlfriends met a fun (and seemingly nice guy) while out at dinner. They exchanged numbers, and they were in contact regularly for about a week. He even took the time to call her, which these days...is super rare. They got together one evening for wine and had a great time together. Then an entire week went by...and no response to her follow-up text to him the after their date. Ghosted. 

Another friend of mine had been out on several dates with a girl, they were enjoying each other's company and were making plans. When it came time to go out again, she came up with every excuse not to follow through with the plans they had made. Mission aborted, out of nowhere. Ghosted. 

My friend R was out at dinner one night and made fast friends with a very dapper gentleman in the cocktail lounge. They sat and talked about life, enjoyed the live music...and after an hour or so he invited her to go with him to another bar. She declined as she was enjoying time with her friends. He asked for her number and she gave it to him. Within 15 minutes he was texting asking if she was on her way. She entered his phone number into the Stud or Dud app...handy tool ladies. She found his name, and then Facebook account. SURPRISE! He was MARRIED, with a new baby. WHAT is wrong with people? My friend text him back and said, I don't think it is in the best interest of your wife (by name) and new baby that I meet you. His response...crickets. Ghosted. I am pretty sure he didn't know about Stud or Dud, and most likely thinks my friend was a spy. But I guarantee he didn't sleep very well that night. LOL!

During a conversation with one of my girlfriends she stated, "I just can't with ghosting. It is devastating, so I just pretend they lost a limb in an accident and couldn't text." This was extreme, but made me laugh nonetheless. "Ghosting is proof that manhood is dead," she said. The same friend met a very sweet guy, dated for a few weeks and ghosted her a week later. She text him to ask about picking up some things that she left at his house and radio silence. What is happening?

My question: WHY do people need to hide behind a ghost?

The following information came from two 17-year-olds, so ghosting is happening at every age. According to my young sources, the ghoster is either scared, can't handle their emotions...or they are just plain dumb. The last reason they listed made me laugh out loud.

So with all this said, I have a tip for you all, and it's 100% free. If you don't want to talk to someone anymore...just say so. If you aren't interested and don't want to go out again, simply decline. You don't need to give an elaborate explanation or even apologize. But at least have the decency to be an adult and communicate. Being let down is MUCH better than being ghosted and left wondering why. A simple form of communication (and we have many these days) eliminates the need for the ghosted party to wonder what they did wrong. It prevents them running 1000 different scenarios through their heads, dating is tough enough people!  Why add a layer of BS to it that is totally avoidable? So to all of you ghosting out there, just STOP.

On dating and ghosting. One day I will probably want to date again, but when that time comes I will not except anything but the best of people. For those of you already dating, you should expect the same. After my research, for those of you that have been ghosted, please keep in mind that it's not about you. The truth is you are probably just dealing with a jerk. Hold your head high and move on. Anyone that ghosts isn't worth your time wondering where they went.

It doesn't make it any easier, but if they vanish, consider it a blessing. Imagine how they would handle normal relationship woes if they can't even handle the fun part? YIKES! 

On work ghosting. There is no excuse. If you are ghosting because you want to quit your job...how do you expect to build references for your next job? If you are ghosting because you just don't feel a sense of urgency to respond, how do you expect to build allies at work? You never know who may vote you the next employee of the month. ;) Sure, we are all busy. We all see emails, texts or IMs and "forget" to respond. But I say, get it together people! We live in a digital world, glued to our devices. NO ONE is just too busy to respond. So, make it easier on yourselves and others. Want to avoid someone darkening the door of your office, or hovering over your cubicle? Respond immediately. Even if you don't have the full answer, let the person know you heard them...and that you will be back in touch soon. That is SO much better than ghosting. And trust me, if you ghost at work—those ghosted WILL be back and it will become a reoccurring visit. You really don't want that, do you? ;)

I realized after writing this, that I myself have ghosted all of you for months. Let me explain. I finally made it to Paris, I finally saw the Eiffel Tour sparkle at night, I met my nieces and nephew, I drank champagne and laughed with my sister in her home in Tuffe...and I finally have a job that makes me look forward to Monday. As for the dating research, well that has taken a large chunk of my time as well—so you can bet there will be more stories to come. Have a ghosting story to share? By all means, comment away, I am listening!

XO,

C