Hold Back? Or Hold Off?

Guard your heart.

The number one piece of advice I hear every time I consider entertaining a new relationship. Yet here I sit, 44 years old and I still haven’t mastered this practice. I dive right in, I bare my soul—including what I have learned from past mistakes, I hold nothing back.

I am an over communicator, sparing no detail…to a fault. I suppose the reasoning behind it may be that if someone can’t accept my past and show me the grace I would show them for theirs; they aren’t the one for me. But, maybe not—there is also a good chance that some stories are probably best left in the past and untold.

How much of ourselves do we need to expose to feel truly accepted? By the way—is there an instruction manual for this stuff? I mean if the truth doesn’t come out in the beginning it will most likely rear it’s ugly head later down the road, right?

So what is worse? Holding back or holding off?

Well, there has to be discernment between what we feel we should share and what we need to share. I have learned this the hard way, over and over again. My need to share has caused me to neglect people’s feelings and how and when they may best receive what I am trying to share...and why I need to share it. So once again, I point the finger inward.

I am going to take some time to evaluate why I feel the need to share the things I do, my delivery of what I am sharing...and what my motives are for sharing it. I am thinking through all types of scenarios right now. Is it my attempt at sabotage to protect myself? Do I have something I am trying to prove? I am still very fresh in the process of working through this, but the one thing I do know is I will do things differently in the future.

I think that my desire for brutal honesty has trickled over into my life like a bad habit. I was in a situation where I had to hear someone I love share their deepest secrets, because we were told it would bring “healing.” It did not. It brought nothing but painful memories that still resurface, and quite possibly, that full disclosure session may be responsible for my own verbal unloading on the people that I care about.

So hold back or hold off? The answer: Both. Hold back until you give someone time. Hold back until you know without a doubt that the person is ready to receive what you have to say.

Hold off. Hold off on things that might be hurtful to others if they were never involved in the first place. Your story can still be yours without telling it to everyone you meet. Your story is shaping you, but not everyone will react to your story the same way.

I believe in grace, and I also believe in people that are willing to give it freely. But I have also learned that some things are just better left unsaid.

XO,

C