Crowd Pleaser

Hi, my name is Cathy...and I am a people pleaser.

This is something that I have struggled with for years. My need to please others has many times outweighed my ability to stand up for myself. I have trouble saying no—and in some cases I even apologize or accept fault when I am not to blame.

Oddly, people pleasing is not a selfless act like it may seem. It is actually a way of trying to control someone's response or behavior. Thinking about it like this has made me realize that it's time to shift my focal point from the outside world in. It has also forced me to accept something that I never wanted to:

In some cases, no matter what I do, or how I try to please...I will come in contact with people that just don't like me. 

These situations don't happen often, so it is very hard for me to stomach when they do. In complete transparency, it KILLS me when someone doesn't like me. The minute I get a negative vibe; I begin doing everything in my power to fix it. I lose sleep wondering what I did wrong, why I am being judged or misunderstood and what I can do to make it better. But the truth is, if someone doesn't like me, it has 100% to do with them...not me. I may never know the reasons why someone chose to dismiss me—and I have no control over that, no matter how hard I try to please.

A close friend of mine shared this with me: One of the happiest moments ever is when you feel the courage to let go of what you can't change. 

Some people are quick to dismiss others because they have different interests or skill sets. They don't bother to step outside of their comfort zone and really get to know someone or they'd find qualities that way outshine their assumptions or the interests that aren't shared.

I am sure that I am not the only victim of this treatment. It makes me so sad, because people are missing out on something great when they pass up an opportunity to really know someone. Although no one is perfect, I do believe that most of us have really good intentions.

Moving forward, I am using what I have learned from these situations as incentive for my own response towards others. I'm striving to fully understand people and assume the best of them until they prove me wrong. I desire authentic relationships; and I believe in putting in the time to foster them. Especially with people that may not be just like me. Some of my deepest relationships are with people that have completely different talents and interests than I do. I love learning from them because they take the time to share their world with me...and make effort to find value in mine.

So I challenge you, before you misjudge someone—make some real effort to know them. Don't be quick to dismiss based on assumptions that could be totally false. And for you people pleasers like me, focus on the relationships that matter and move past those who refuse to see you for your true self. As Stuart Smalley said on SNL, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

I am enough—and so are YOU! 

XO,

C