Embracing Reality

My dear friend and client at the time, C treated us to a day at Disney and even an overnight at Animal Kingdom. He just told me to pay it forward one day. C-This post is dedicated to you and your wife J, I hope you like how I am paying it forward with Boxed by an Angel.

Love you guys, thank. you for what you did for me and my children. I will NEVER forget it! 

"At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening."  -Unknown

I read this recently and it was very sobering. I get stuck in the "what should have happened" a lot. It is so hard to pull myself out. I blame myself for decisions I have made, for not seeing signs I should have seen and for fighting a battle for years that I could never win. I never stopped long enough to consider that I could, in fact, live in what is happening instead of constantly trying to change it. I am there now. Learning to live life one day at a time, enjoying every fun and fantastic moment that comes my way. It's not always grand, but many times it's pretty darn fun.

In other news, I can almost see a glimpse of my pre-cancer self...health wise that is. My kids are calling me baby bird head, as I have little feathers of hair that are just starting to grow back. It's exciting but I am impatient. Is it too soon for extensions? Ha! Emotionally, I don't know that the pre-cancer Cathy will ever return. I have changed because I've had to. My ideals are completely different than they were a year ago. I have learned what is important and what is worth fighting for.

I have been weak, but I am stronger now because of that. I hurt, but I am healing. 

My recent echocardiogram showed not ONE change from the echocardiogram before I started Herceptin in November. That news last week made me feel super strong, and very thankful that God is protecting me through this horrific season in my life. There were days that I cried and screamed at Him for "taking my life" from me. But what I couldn't see then was that He wants to give me a new life. I think starting over for anyone is scary, but what I know now is that I can't let that fear take away my joy. I said when all of this started that I wanted to be a badass one day, well I am one now! I have been through the pit of hell—and I am still standing. I am still going,  all the way to November with Herceptin IVs every three weeks and lots of different hair styles.

As for love, it  looked a little different this Valentine's Day. I had full intention of boycotting it completely, but then I had a better idea. I decided to embrace the love that I am so fortunate to have surround me every day—my kids. My cup runneth over, again.

XO,

C

"Cat"astrophe

This morning was a "cat"astrophe. Literally.

People, you can NOT make this stuff up.

My outdoor cat Simon needed to be dropped off at the vet today and was not cooperating. He escaped after nearly clawing us...and ran out into the front yard. At the same time, my dog Bentley saw an opportunity to dart out of the partially cracked door.

Yours truly, was fashionably dressed in a silk robe, gold sparkle Uggs and bald head. Unfortunately for him, my neighbor G was headed out to his truck. I yelled to him to grab Bentley...he looked up at me with this hilarious look of shock, I almost died. He knows I have breast cancer, but I realized he hasn't seen me bald yet. Hahahahahaha. Talk about awkward. I don't think he made eye contact after the initial shock, but I did get my dog back.

Who knows, maybe it wasn't the bald head at all...maybe it was the robe/Ugg combo? Ha! Laughter is good medicine, and it started my Friday off right. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. I myself am feeling good and headed out on a little adventure. Full debriefing and post to come next week. enjoy.

XO,

C