Repurposing Trauma

Cancer has not been the only major battle in my life. I was in a toxic marriage for years prior to my diagnosis. I held on for as long as I could to try to save my family, but it was killing me. I can’t help but wonder if the ongoing stress contributed to my health issues. I believe it did.

I’ve learned some hard lessons about pain inflicted by another person over the past 10+ years. Most recently, I have been struggling my way through another trial brought on by this repeat offender in my life. Narcissistic abuse is real, and it is traumatizing. You never know what will come next. I know I’m not alone in this, so I thought I’d share my heart.

1. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. (Borrowed from Maya Angelou)

2. No matter what you do, you can’t control another person’s actions or their desire to be a decent human being. Some people are simply not capable of real change, they can only act and disguise.

3. If you don’t accept that some people will never do the right thing, you will continue to feel old wounds open up over and over again after each offense, causing you to live in a constant state of hurt and confusion.

4. Some people are so wounded and selfish, they are not capable of feeling true remorse, they are only “sorry” for show. They live in absolute denial and don’t care how their actions will impact anyone…not even their own children.

5. Don’t let pain brought on by an empty soul of a human turn to bitterness. If you feel lost in your pain and don’t recognize who you used to be, don’t give up. Keep reminding yourself of who God made you to be. He will fight for you.

6. Feel your feelings and don’t bury them, healing from extreme trauma is a process that can take years…cry when you need to, reach out to others, be patient with yourself.

7. The emptiness joy stealers feel is so excruciating and lonely, they will never know the peace of genuine love. No matter how much they “seem” to get away with, they are empty inside.

8. No matter how many times someone takes from you, they can’t take the true and pure love that God and others have for you, and the peace that brings. Stick close to the people that love you authentically. I’m so grateful for my husband, my family and my tribe.

9. The high road is hard to take at times, but you always win when you do.

10. With God’s help and the support of others, you can repurpose your trauma for good. Find something you are passionate about and keep pouring into it. This is a process I will personally continue to strive for, for as long as I live. No one can take that away from me.

XO,

C